I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
