YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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