We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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