Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
