we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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