and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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