Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
