Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
