Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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