I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I know her cup size but not her name....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
