who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
