fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just threw up on my dentist
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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