i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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