I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
