Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize