The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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