I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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