He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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