Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
