I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
