I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
