porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
birth control should be required to get into college
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
