It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
