I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
