Pregnant stripper...not hot.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize