You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
