chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
