Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
