i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
