last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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