at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
