I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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