Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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