I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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