McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
