It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i think i just lost a toe
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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