2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
