I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
