Ambien. No doubt about it.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
