He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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