they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
