I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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