My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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