We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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