I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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