Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
