Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
