i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
