their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
