I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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