I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
