im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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