did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize