So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize