Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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