He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
