I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
