everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize