one word: firstdatebathroomanal
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Boobs speak an international language.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
