I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
