singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
