I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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