I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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