this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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