Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
