If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
