DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
