I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
