so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
