I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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